Article 25

Ask an Unemployed Lawyer

In Uncategorized on 12/06/2012 at 2:12 pm

Unemployed LawyerIf No One Sees the Free Market, How Does it Exist?

By U.L.

Dear Unemployed Lawyer (forwarded message):


Lawyer Needed To Write a Short Petition/Pledge Against Obamacare (Cincinnati)

Date: 2012-11-14, 1:13AM EST


I am seeking a lawyer who can write me a short pledge of resistance to Obamacare that is not over the line legally. I wish to create a pledge of resistance to it using whatever force is necessary but I want to be sure that its legally written so as to not cross the line of legality..


Location: Cincinnati

It’s NOT OK to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests.

Compensation: TBD

Something about our legal system manifests blinding narcissism in people, and not just among us elitist lawyers. Some people ask for free legal advice when they spot you in a bar or a store, because surely you have nothing better to do than listen to them bitch about something dear to their heart (and there may be some money in it for you, you litigious whore!). Others assume your job is to lie and find loopholes to protect or affirm their inflated sense of exceptionalness.

It stems from the same dark place of the human psyche: “I am the center of the universe; life treats me unfairly; democracy means I can say and do anything I please; once people understand what I’m saying, everyone (who has at least my level of intelligence) will agree with me; and I really like the nice, warm, comforting feeling of having my head deeply up my ass.”

For example, a Google search returns the following pledge on said topic:

“If the government takes over health care, I will refuse to buy their package, refuse to pay the fine imposed and make them arrest me. I will broadcast my refusal to cave to socialism on my website, on Facebook, to my students, in my lectures and on the radio. I will fight this in the courts – or will the D.C. Fascists suspend the right to trial by jury? I suspect –  and hope –  that millions of Americans will do the same.

Fortunately, many of these nabob narcissists move to places like Los Angeles or New York or the Florida panhandle, where they can marinate with other like-minded folk. Human nature being ubiquitous, however, if one practices law anywhere – for, say, a day — one will see this ugly side of humanity, which often leads to excessive drinking, which leads to a bar and more people bitching at you about something you’d rather forget. It’s a vicious circle.

Which brings us to our “question” as listed on Craigslist:” Hey, Lawyer, Bail me out of this unfair law, write me a paper that will give me special permission to not follow the law using whatever ‘force’ necessary, but without risking penalty. Oh, and I don’t want anyone else to bug me or ask me stupid questions, and we’ll decide your fee based on what I think is fair.”

In the Spirit of the Season – which appropriately precedes our Day of Gratitude with the biggest drinking night of the year, and immediately follows with our biggest shopping day of the year – allow me to provide you with an appropriate response, with apologies to Francis P. Church, the original author, who was likely drunk when he wrote the most infamous editorial in American journalism:

Craigslist, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Craigslist, whether they be men’s or children’s, are little. In this great universe of ours, man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect, as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.

Yes, Craigslist, there is Obamacare. It exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Obamacare. It would be as dreary as if there were no Fox News. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The eternal light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished.

Not believe in Obamacare! You might as well not believe in the free market! You might get your papa to hire lawyers to watch in all the courthouses on Christmas Eve to catch Obamacare, but even if they did not see Obamacare coming down, what would that prove? Nobody sees Obamacare, but that is no sign that there is no Obamacare. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see the free market dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that’s no proof that it is not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.

You may tear apart the baby’s rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived, could tear apart. Only faith, fancy, poetry, love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, Craigslist, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.

No Obamacare! Thank God! it lives, and it lives forever. A thousand years from now, Craigslist, nay, 10 times 10,000 years from now, it will continue to make glad the heart of childhood.

Never take the advice of an Unemployed Lawyer. Always consult with an attorney for any legal advice in your situation. If, however, you want to ask, write to


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